Hills Like White Elephants

I don't have any questions on my email, which is fine with me, I'm fine giving advice on things that I want to, but if anyone has questions or situations that they want help with, I will keep it very anonymous, no names will be mentioned.

 Okay, so yesterday, our homework for English class was to read Ernest Hemingway's Hills Like White Elephants, which I did. But something stuck with me, even though this was set in a different time and things were different then, it stuck with me because it's something that is seen a lot (I haven't seen it with me or my experiences) and that is guys thinking that they can make their girlfriends do what they want, not what their girlfriends want.

For example, in Hills Like White Elephants, "the American" tells his girlfriend that he wants their life to be like it was before her pregnancy and then he wants her to get an abortion so that life could go back to normal.
To be quite fair, she establishes earlier that he has the power.
He does the typical guy thing and tells her that the operation is her choice when really, what he's doing is telling her and guilt tripping her into killing a part of herself, but he doesn't want to seem like he's a big jerk (I'd use something stronger, but this is a blog, so I won't) so he just proposes it in a way that it seems like she has the choice and decisions when really in the end, he'll make the decision to go, but when he gets back to the table where she's at, she tells him that there is nothing wrong with her and so by that (I think), she's making her decision to keep the baby.
Okay, let me just say something about abortions really quickly (although I have no personal experience with them). Yes, women can be happy and lead happy lives after an abortion and they can be utterly fine. But that's not all women. Some women can start feeling lost afterward because I've heard that some women, when they get pregnant, start having the motherly feel that comes with the child growing inside them. Once you take that away for those women, they feel like they lost a part of themselves and when they get the abortion they think that they are doing the right thing and then as the time passes they feel more and more lost because they can start wanting the pregnancy back.
To have someone, a guy, tell you (to all the women) to do something like killing a part of your body because even if you don't think that babies are humans from conception, you still have to think about the fact that you are growing a little thing in you and for nine months you are the incubator for that tiny human being.

For some one to tell you, you can't do something that is obviously your choice because they think, "it's all your fault", well, I think you found that you can't be with that person because not only is it not your fault considering they helped even more than you did, they want to blame it all on you, which isn't healthy for you or anyone else.

Choices are yours, not for anyone else to tell you what they want you to do because it's your body so therefore, your choice and I don't just mean abortions, but anything else as well.

Valentine's Day: How to Propose

So this is kind of the opposite of my last post stemmed from a question I got last Wednesday.

The last post was about how to show you care without making her think you're going to propose, but this post is about how to make it so she thinks you are proposing because you will be (only if you want to propose).

So of course, this might sound like the most uncomplicated things to ever do, but I can tell you it's hard (not that I've gone through it before). You might think that if you want to propose you should do it like they do it in the movies and T.V. shows, but that is the most cliche thing to do. They call it a cliche for a reason because it's been done over and over again.

If you do this, she will see it coming, so for the sake of saving your proposal and keeping it a secret, don't go cliche.

If you choose to go to a restaurant, that's fine, but please don't put it in a desert or in a glass of wine because she won't see it and then you have a health problem on your hands. Trust me, she won't forget that you could have caused her health problems if she doesn't see it and you don't want that.

You best shot, is to do what I said in the post before, is to really make it known that you have been noticing everything that she likes and what she doesn't like and I don't mean the basic things, I mean the things that only you would know.

The things like:
1. When she's sad, even though she doesn't let it on that she is, and you hug her and it makes everything all better.
2. If she starts getting stressed, you make her stop and focus on you, until she's no longer about ready to explode.

Or really anything else like that you have noticed in your relationship duration. It's truly the little things, the little details you remember that will make her smile and make her more willing to consider a life with you by her side.

If you do something that you've seen in the movies because it worked in the movie, she will either think it's super cheesy or cute, and that cute could either be a good thing or a bad thing. If it's a bad thing then you're in big trouble because that means she's probably not thinking about a future with you at your side.

If it's good then you're fine, have fun with your engagement and your life with your loved one.

I hope you have a very happy life together.

Valentine's Day: How to Show You Care a lot, but Without it Holding Misconceptions

This was a question from yesterday. Usually, I don't post twice in one week, but I think that for the circumstances that I should because next week would be way to close to Valentine's Day.

Okay, this is a tricky one, because for girls (although it depends on what type of girl she is) you don't want to do too little because they will think that you don't care, but you don't to do too much because she will start thinking marriage and what dress she'll wear for every different seasonal wedding and you don't want that.

I don't know why girls are wired that way, but we just are. This, like I said, completely depends on the the girl. Your girl might not be the crazy plan your future wedding type and get misconceptions and if that's how she is, you've got yourself a keeper.

Okay, so on to the advice.

Doing too little can often be just getting flowers and chocolate and a small gift that you've seen other guys get thousands of times.
Now let me say this, it's not about how much you spend or how big your gift for her is, the only thing that matters is you do something that shows you've been paying attention for the length of your relationship.
What I mean about this is, if she's into something, get her something from what she's into, something that no one else would have thought about before this because you know her.
My boyfriend got me small Minnie Mouse earrings for Christmas as well as wrote me a song (I know this is Christmas, but it's also a gift giving holiday but the gifts have different affectations), now, he hasn't given me the song yet, but he's still working on it.
The point is that he showed me that he pays attention to what I'm into and I am a big Disney fan and I also love music.
So, showing you care a lot without causing misconceptions requires actual brain power (I know it's hard, but it's one thing that you have to rely on). You have to think long and hard as to what brings a smile to her face, whether it's a walk in the park, or a dinner at her favorite resteraunt or diner, or making her favorite dinner and watching her favorite movie or t.v. show, whatever it is, it will make her happy without making her think of marriage if you don't want that yet.

This post is shorter again because I feel like I've answered the question that was asked, but next week I'll go to the other part of this (if you want her to think marriage).

The Key to a Longer Lasting Relationship

I haven't gotten an email asking for advice, so once again I am going to write a post on what advice I want to give advice on.

Since I am only sixteen, almost seventeen, I am not an expert on long relationships, but I have been observing high school relationships and everyone knows those are ones that only last a week to a few months, or, the very special ones last a long time.

From what I gather, I can give enough advice on long relationships just based on what I observe everyday.
Okay, let me begin my advice.
So, the key to having a long term relationship whether you're a teenager or an adult is actually to be completely able to forgive and step over to the next cobblestone in the relationship.
If one can not do that, the relationship is doomed, if you can't forgive your other over one mishap that they may have had, then maybe you shouldn't been in that relationship after all.
I say this because if you want a long term relationship, nothing can break you and your significant other up, not something you did, or something they did because you guys if you stay together in the future, will end up being stronger than you would be if you let that small thing end the relationship.
Letting small things end a relationship is ridiculous because nothing can break up two people who truly love one another because two people who love one another will not let their love die because love can't die. If it does, then the love was never really there in the first place.


I apologize for the smaller post, next week's will be longer because of Valentine's Day and everything that comes with that "holiday". Hopefully I get questions and/or situations that I can help with on my email.