Beauty isn't on the Outside, But on the Inside

I still haven't gotten any questions for the blog that I can help people with so I am doing just what I want to give advice on.

This is like the one from three weeks ago, not about love and things like that, but more about the self and the mentality of a girl and how that reflects on the body.

Sadly this is a very present problem in today's culture and society because of the media. And often times other people say the wrong thing, it's not just guys who say the wrong thing, but girls too.
The media says that the only way to beauty is through physical perfection, meaning skinny, perfect skin, and really perfect everything, no flaws whatsoever.
What the media doesn't tell everyone is how much they actually photo shop those "perfect models" that are in the magazines. The models that are viewed on the magazines don't actually look like they do on the magazines, they are not that skinny or that perfect, but yet that perfection image is what is going out to every girl every age and telling them that if they want to be beautiful that they should look like that.
 For every girl that doesn't look like the model on the cover of a magazine, it creates body problems for them. Girls will destroy themselves so that they could match the media's image of perfection. Not all women and girls do it though, but a vast majority do it and it's very very saddening.
What some girls and women are willing to do to themselves so they can achieve that image, in my own opinion, doesn't make them more attractive, but less attractive than they originally were.
Guys and girls who tell girls that they aren't beautiful because they are "too fat" or  "have an imperfection on their face" don't help either, but rather they add to the problem because then those girls will hear that and try to "fix" themselves because they are trying to impress the people who told them that they were too something.
GRRRRRRRRRR!!!! This topic frustrates me so much because a lot of people think it's the person who's damaging themselves fault, but actually it's not, it's everyone else who gets their voice into that person's head. True, those people can tune them out, but often times it gets to the point where they can no longer tune them out no matter how hard they try.
Perfection DOES NOT EXIST!!!! Everybody is imperfect even if they seem like they are the optimum of perfection. The only way anyone can be perfect is if someone who's in love with them thinks they are because they see their flaws and they don't care.

Beauty is in everyone because beauty isn't about physical appearance, people who are physically beautiful, also in my opinion, aren't even remotely beautiful unless they are beautiful inside.

Inner beauty is the only thing that matters!!!!!!!! ONLY THING!!!!!!!

Working on Fixing a Good (But Broken) Relationship Versus Throwing it Away

Once again, I haven't gotten any emails as to any problems that I can help people with, so this is another personal general advice post.

Okay so, I have seen this happen a lot and it's absolutely saddening because there are many good relationships that work and could last forever, but then there is one little speed bump and they throw it away. That is one of the problems with this generation or really the newer generations, that we have been taught that once something is broken, it becomes unfix-able so they throw it out before they can even access the problem. So, of course that would relay into relationships and that is saddening as well as maddening to me.
They say that marriage is forever, but is it really? Nowadays you see in the media how celebrities are getting divorced (and really, they're celebrities and it's the media, so who can you really trust?), but even without a famous stature, people all over America are getting divorced and it really sets a bad example for every little girl and boy. It teaches them that marriage and love has an expiration date and is that really the message that people want to be sending out to children? I know that sometimes people get married in the heat of  the moment and then after spending more and more time with that person, they realize that they don't really want to spend their life with that person, so they get divorced (and I am not saying that I condone this or that I am making excuses for the divorcees because I am not). I firmly believe that if people get married in the heat of the moment and then get divorced that maybe they should have taken more time to get to know their partner before entering into this life-long commitment with them.
People will often say that they've fallen out of love with their partner, but that is a false excuse overall, but there are the exception, there is always the exception. If you fell in love with someone in the first place then it's pretty unlikely that you are going to fall out of love with them.
I mean it definitely is possible to fall more in love with someone else, but if that happens it causes more pain than just being honest with that person and telling them how you feel so that you can work on it and make the relationship stronger for the future.

Entering a New Relationship With Feelings for Your Ex

Once again, I haven't gotten any emails as to any problems that I can help people with, so this is another personal general advice post.
This has come up with someone I am acquainted with. This person I know, I am told by a friend (so I have no idea what is actually true in this situation) that they have been texting their ex and telling their ex that the only reason why they are with the new person is because they are nice, that their feelings still lie with the ex.

I don't know if this is true because I heard it through the grapevine, but I don't really condone this act.

With that being said, I did the exact same thing a few months back (during the summer). I was heartbroken and I didn't know what to do, so when I was talking to this nice guy and then my best friend kept asking him if he liked me, then he wouldn't tell her, but he would tell me, so he told me did, so we started hanging out. The "relationship" (he refused to label us) lasted a month and three quarters (I am really good at lengths and dates and easily figuring these things out [my memory is really good]) and in that time my feelings for him never changed from a slight "I thought you were cute once in passing" feeling except I did kind of start to love him, as a brother (this is like the kiss of death of relationships), of course, I never told him any of this. Although I did try and get back into a relationship with him, but that was only because I was afraid to be alone after being in a relationship. We never got back together and I learned to be on my own for a couple of months before my current boyfriend asked me out. I had feelings for someone else the who time during that relationship too, so even before it started months ago (with the guy from the summer), it was doomed. It's not the same with my current relationship, I love my current boyfriend so unbelievably much.

To enter a relationship knowing fully well that you still have feelings for your ex is like assassinating your new relationship before it even begins. Everyone says that you can start to love your new partner and this is often true, but you will forever be comparing your new relationship and new partner with your old relationship and old partner, it'll never progress if you compare it to something.

You have to allow your feelings for your ex go away by spending time to be alone with yourself so you can truly find yourself before you get into another relationship. If you don't do this all of your relationships will be doomed, not to sound mean or foreboding.

Having a Disability and How to Deal with Others

Once again, I haven't gotten any emails as to any problems that I can help people with, so this is another personal general advice post.

So this post I am going to do something a bit different than I have been doing, I am not gonig to talk about relationships, but a topic more pressing?  (I am at a loss for words and I don't know how to describe the situation) and that is disabilities. In some schools, I have noticed that there is bullying (of different kinds), but this isn't the case at all schools, I know this isn't a problem at my school. I believe the bullying is because those people just don't understand what it means for people who have disabilities to be different from them. Those people (in my opinion) are arrogant and judge way before they could even want to understand.
I, myself, have a minor case of hemispheric Cerebral Palsy on the right side of my body. It effects my speech, the way I walk, and what hand I prefer to use.What it doesn't effect is my ability to make friends, my intelligence, or really anything else. I was diagnosed with CP when I was three years old, now thirteen years later I feel like I have a bright future a head of me. I don't like to inform people that I have CP (although I am right now, but I will explain why) because I had the same thing with people not knowing how to accept the knowledge that I was different than they were, so to save myself from embarrassment, I kept it a secret, or really, I didn't tell people unless they became really close with me. Now, I have learned to use what I was born with not as a disability that makes it so I can't do something, but I use it as strength to show people that I am no different than they are.
When I was younger, people thought that I wouldn't be smart because of my CP, but that isn't the case, I have a 4.0 GPA and I always strive for greater. I think why I do this is to prove those people wrong, that I can be on top of the world, but mostly to prove to myself that I can do it too.
I fully believe that if you have a disability, don't look at it like a limitation because honestly it isn't because if you truly wanted to, you could "rule the world", there are no limitations in life. True, it took me eight to ten years to figure that out and it might take you longer, but once you figure that out there is nothing out there that can stop you, except yourself.
If you can dream it, you CAN do it, there is nothing that will possibly stop you from achieving that dream. People might try to do something that is against what you want and against you, but your disability can be and is your greatest strength and the people who are against you are just scared that you will show them up because you love who you are and you embrace it. Who cares if you do end up showing them up? If you do, do it because YOU CAN and then don't care about turning around and flaunting it, but if you do flaunt, please don't become conceded.

Over-Protectiveness or Jealousy and How You React to it

Once again, I haven't gotten any emails as to any problems that I can help people with, so this is another personal general advice post.

There's this over-protectiveness or jealousy that comes with being in a relationship with someone you really care about. This is normal to an extent, but being too over-protective or jealous is not normal. How you react to this act of your partner reflects on how you are in a relationship.

For a guy to be over-protective and overbearing and jealous can relay on how dedicated he is to his girlfriend/fiance/wife and that act is probably his way of showing that dedication that he doesn't really know how to show any other way. This can be a good thing and often times it is because having the opposite in a relationship (IE him not caring whether you're out with another guy and if he knows that you are, not caring what you are doing with that other guy) then he doesn't truly care and is probably, most likely, rethinking the relationship.

The over-protectiveness usually comes when you
(the girl or the guy)  are doing dangerous sports, cooking, or really anything dangerous. Jealousy is when you are jealous of other people of the same sex being around your partner because you miss them or even if you are afraid that they might stray from the relationship (that usually comes from having been cheated on before). 

For a girl to be over-protective and overbearing and jealous can also, like guys, relay how dedicated to the relationship she is if she's bad at showing how she feels. Having the opposite from her in the relationship also means she may be rethinking the relationship and often times she is, if she's not caring.

Girls and women always worry and they will always overthink things and stress out about things. How much of these things that they do depend on the girl, some will do more than others, but that doesn't mean that the girls that don't do as much, don't care, they are just wired differently. 

How you react to the jealousy and over-protectiveness is a reflection on how you are in a relationship.

If you think it's cute, then most likely you are comfortable with your partner and feel safe with them, but most importantly you feel the same about your partner.

If you don't like it at all and feel suffocated by them, then you should look at your own self and whether or not you yourself are ready for a relationship like the one your partner wants and whether or not that was the same reason it ended with your past relationships.

Being jealous over nothing isn't normal it means that your partner is probably doing something to make you self conscious of loosing him or her, or once again, it's something with you and you need to look at yourself and the reason for your jealousy.

Cheaters and/or Cheating

Once again, I haven't gotten any emails as to any problems that I can help people with, so this is another personal general advice post.

So, I ran into this very extremely common relationship roadblock, cheating.

(Not personally or in my own relationship, but with a friend's)

This is sadly a very common thing, people cheating instead of facing problems in their relationships head on and trying to fix it to make the relationship stronger. Cheating is a very cheesy way of sneaking around an easily fixable problem.

However, girls have this way of becoming extremely insecure when they are in a relationship because often times they (we, since I am one) fall hard and fast for the guy. When that happens they often become very paranoid when say, their boyfriend doesn't text back for a few hours. This is unfortunately common, I mean I myself have become paranoid when my boyfriend doesn't instantly reply to me, this happens constantly for girls, no matter how old they are, if they like someone it's nerve wracking for them for that person not to reply to their message.

But if you think you're partner is cheating the best thing that you can do is not to ask a friend or someone else to find out for you, but to actually take the "reins" in your own hands and take control of the situation. You need to confront your partner and directly ask them if they have been straying from the relationship and ask them if they can talk about it because if you honestly think they are, you need to voice that and be comforted with the truth.

(I honestly can't take full credit for the paragraph of advice above, my boyfriend actually gave me that advice when I was helping a friend out and planning on being the other person in the situation)

What the truth is, however, is up to the situation, but regardless whether if it's good or bad, it'll be a comfort, I promise.

If it's good (IE s/he's not cheating) then they know how you feel and now you two can talk about what you both can do to make it so those feelings don't ever surface again. However, if they aren't cheating, but they call you paranoid and say you're crazy then you, yourself, have to rethink that relationship, you have to rethink the stability of that relationship is because by them saying those things about you, they are saying that you caring for them is idiotic and therefore, you should leave because your care isn't being received properly.

If it's bad (IE s/he's cheating) then you just look at them and in your head tell yourself: "thank you for the experience", then take a calm deep breath turn your back and walk away because you don't need them. DON'T scream at them because they aren't worth it. Show them that you are strong and calmly walk away from that situation because you truly are strong and no one can break your strength, no one's that precious. If, however, tell you that they can and will change, just look at them and say: "I'm sorry, but I give second chances where they are deserved and I don't feel like my time, effort, and love are being appreciated. So, thank you for the experience and now I am going to try and find someone who will love and treat me like I deserve."

Not-So-Long-Long Distance Relationships

Since I haven't gotten any emails on any situations or any questions about anything that I can help people out with yet, I am just going to relay advice that I gave to someone a few months ago.

Okay, so a few months ago I was talking to someone who's in a very committed relationship, but she had just turned 18 whereas her partner had turned 18 months before that, this wasn't the problem however. This person I was talking to was feeling a tug in the relationship and not a good tug because they hadn't really spent that much time together seeing that her partner was off being an adult when she hadn't quite gotten to where her partner was.

What I did to help her, was I started talking about my situation at that time. My situation, of course, was more complicated than hers was, but through me talking non-stop about my situation for a few days straight, she was able to figure out what she needed to do with her relationship.

She told me she admired my dedication to my guy and if I could be that dedicated to him although I hadn't seen him that she could get past the slight road bump in her relationship.

I wasn't and still am not completely sure how my situation helped with hers, since it was the same only in principal, but I'm glad that it helped her out and I'm happy to say that they are stronger than ever from what I hear.

If you are in a relationship don't fret over seeing them every single day. If you truly care about and love one another distance and time can't separate you. I know it's nerve-wracking, believe me, I have been there where I pain because my boyfriend isn't near me (although it hasn't gotten to be that severe in a time), that is only natural because you love and care about them and always want to be with them.

If, however, they ended the relationship because it was "becoming too much to deal with the long distance", then it isn't you. Trust me, it's not. That just told you that they weren't the right one for you because if they are right for you, then distance can't separate you, nothing really can.

If you are a teenager and you are searching for "the one", please stop. You can't find them when you're young, although some people do, that's some people, not you. If you do, then that's great, hold on to them, but if you don't, don't stress you are young, you have time (coming from a teenager).